Nobody determines my value, but me.
My supervisor messed up and told me the other day that if I go even more above and beyond (than I already do), then I will be more valuable to the company. I wanted to tell her to stop talking right then and there!
(Like, girl no you did not just say that to me.)
See the thing is, I know my value. I need zero persons to tell me to be more valuable just to be confirmed by someone else. Too often we base our value off of how people treat us, disappoint us, whether we have a specific job, or title. But those things are superficial, they can change at any moment.
If we based our value off of how we thought someone else believes we should be, it would mean they determine our value. If that were the case, we would also be striving to live up to someone else’s expectations of us instead of our own. It’s okay to have those who believe that your capacity can increase, but my value is not your value, and vice versa.
Even though my supervisor said that side ways shit, I know she didn’t realize what she was saying. She didn’t mean it how I took it. I actually believe she has my back when it comes to my intense desire to upgrade my lifestyle. She roots for me and I appreciate that support from her.
But the other thing is, with or without her support, I would still know how much value I possess. Even though I know she supports me, it’s not going to make me feel more valuable. I don’t have to prove anything. I push myself and prove to myself that I can rise above challenges.
If you don’t know who you are without somebody else affirming you, you will always need people to tell you who you are. We don’t need approval from anyone. Nobody should be able to make you feel devalued, even though sometimes I feel unappreciated.
Our identity and value is not in anybody else’s hands. People have their own insecurities and unstable lives to deal with, so therefore sometimes their vision for themselves are tainted. (Not talking about my supervisor, I’m just talking about people in general.) That ends up causing a ripple effect to occur because people treat you based off their own wounds.
Of course we add value to other people’s life, it happens all the time in our jobs, businesses, relationships, friendships, etc. But the point is, if or when someone doesn’t acknowledge your value, it doesn’t mean your value is lacking or nonexistent.
My self worth comes from who I am and who I am becoming. For that reason, nobody determines my value, but me.